ThinkThought # 27: Survivor: One World (My World)

I am actively anticipating eight hours from now, when I can cozy up on my futon, majestic wolf snuggie wrapped around my body, box of kleenex in my hand, and eyes glued to the screen. No, I will not be watching a re-run of the Barbara Walter's Most Fascinating People T.V. Special. No, I will not be watching CNN running a story on the rumours that his holiness, Saint Justin Bieber of Stratford has early onset Alopecia. Instead, I'll be watching the season premiere of One World. Survivor: One World. Survivor, Season 24: One World. I don't know how well you know me, but if you have ever lived with me, or spent any significant amount of time with me, specifically on Wednesday evenings, you'll know how much Survivor, as a franchise, means to me.

Every body has a vice. For some people, it's food. Others, it's drugs. And even others, it's wearing tacky clothes in public, acting as if they have no idea that it is no longer 2003. In fact, it happens to be 2012, and perhaps you missed the memo, but Fox Head and Zoo York are no longer "hip". My vice just happens to be watching marginally attractive people with even more attractive bodies backstab, lie, and cheat while living on a beach for 39 days and, in the process of doing so, emaciating themselves beyond recognition (that's my favourite part).

And so in honour of this sacred holiday, I have decided to pick out my three favourite contestants. I am not ensuring that one of these three will win it all... as any true Survivor fan knows, it is nearly impossible to predict from the very beginning who is really going to be in that final tribal council to win the $1 million (Natalie White from Samoa, anyone? AMIRIGHT?). But if I do happen to pick the winner out of my lucky three, let's just say I wouldn't be surprised. After twelve years, 24 seasons, 355 episodes, equalling nearly 250 hours of episode time*, I should hope that I've gained some sort of knowledge on how this all works. If not, the week and a half straight I have spent watching Survivor throughout my life may have all been for naught.

1.

Chelsea Meissner

She's sexy, a complete outdoorsy badass, she goes spear fish hunting every year, she's ripped, she seems nice, guys will keep her around, and if she get's a few young girls with her at the beginning, she'll be in it. For good. FOR GOOD. But she's got an ugly bra/bikini on. And those boots? Is she expecting to fly fish out here? SO CLOSE TO PERFECT. But not quite.

2. Leif Manson

He's a little person, so he's different, but not in a way that should be detrimental. Different can be perfect on a show like this (aka. Rupert Boneham). He's athletic enough to help his team until the merge, and if he plays a good game post merge by getting into a good alliance, who isn't going to want to give him a million dollars? I mean, really, who is going to be the dick that didn't give the little person a million dollars in the finale? Unless he takes after his namesake, and just rapes and pillages everyone on the island. That might not go over well.

3. Jay Byars

Just google image him. There's no way he can't be in the finals.










*And that's not including commercials. And I dare say I've watched a fair fucking few commercials in the past twelve years during Survivor.