Have you ever gone to a movie, assuming that it will take one specific direction, and come out having experienced something completely different? Take for example True Grit. Yes, it was purely Coen at it's core. Eccentric, brutally violent, ironic, and humorous. It was, however, the humor that left me in shock. I literally think that this was one of the funniest, LOLing movies I have seen in the past few years. I would not be surprised if, after having left the theatre, there was need for clean up in the Panty Aisle by more than one patron. And, as far as I'm concerned, it wasn't marketed as such. It literally blew past Burn After Reading, The Ladykillers, and O Brother Whereart Thou with one quick, fevered push of hilarious momentum, capitalizing on the resources it had. Jeff Bridges as the incessantly drunk, rambling Rooster Cogburn nearly killed me. Literally. I couldn't understand half the words he said, yet somehow everything that came out of his mouth was pure genius, delivered with such precise comedic timing, it could have been a positive teenage pregnancy test nine months before Prom. Case in point: Rooster drunkenly falling of his horse and proceeding to shoot cornbread out of the sky. Comedy Gold.
Matt Damon was impressive, but without the same power as Jeff Bridges. In fact, all I seem to remember him saying throughout the movie was "I'm a Texas Ranger", which in turn reminded me of Chuck Norris. I then proceeded to imagine Chuck Norris playing Matt Damon's character and having awkward sexual tension with the 14 year old female lead. Which now makes me feel uncomfortable.
Josh Brolin was on the movie poster advertising the film, yet as far as I'm concerned, he was barely relevant. Yes, the entire movie focused on the search for his character, but he was only on screen for approximately 5 minutes, and I couldn't understand a word he said. And not in a humorous way. Just in a "Damnit I have no idea what you're saying and now I feel awkward sexual tension between you and the 14 year old female lead. This is uncomfortable" sort of way. Now that I think about it, Hailee Steinfeld had a lot of sexual tension with actors that could be her fathers age. And who were missing teeth. This movie just got exponentially more awkward.
Best part of the movie, however remains to be, without any question in my mind, the appearance of the seemingly unnecessary and unrelated, yet entirely hilarious, Bear Man. At 6' 5" and 270 lbs, the Bear Man strolls onto screen, dressed entirely in the skin of a bear, relaying such memorable lines as "I took all his teeth!", in reference to a dead man draped over a second horse like a packing bag. There was something strangely perfect about this scene, that only lasted a few minutes, not to be mentioned again throughout the movie. Definitely garnering the loudest bellowing laugh from the crowd for these few minutes, something in me could not shake the idea of this massive man, dressed as a bear, riding a horse, likely high as a kite, and taking dead men's teeth, all the while simply plodding throughout the Arkansas plains. You can't just write that. That my friend's, is perfection.If I want do this whole fame thing, I really think I'm going to need to get in with the Coen brothers. Sure, I might have to convert to Judaism, but if that's what it takes... Either that or else I'll have to be be really convincing at playing a drunk. That I can do.
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