FameTip #15 : Doppelganger

I am convinced that out there, in the world somewhere, there is an EXACT replica of me (less dashing though, of course)...(also without my sense of grace, wit, charm, and overall sex appeal)... (and also without my MASSIVE, PROTRUDING, PORNSTARESQUE intellect). This person is my proverbial twin, the Juliet to my Romeo, the Anne Frank to my diary, the Ambien to my insomnia, the tits to my bra. Someone out there looks like I do... which frightens me to no apparent end. This person is me... but not me because we have different parents. But our parents must have looked similar, or had a similar consummation experience, or SOMETHING, because why else would this person be my Doppelganger?

I wish to go out into this world and find my doppelganger. It's weird enough to have people with the same name as me (such as a certain Andrew Christoffel that went/goes/has something to do with Penn State? I don't know... we are facebook friends... the best facebook friends... he looks like Jake Gyllenhaal... jealous?)

(This just got weird... if he reads this... we are facebook friends, so this is possbile. Oh hey, Penn State Andrew Christoffel...)



If I were to find my doppelganger (which, to be honest, sounds like some sort of gangbanging sex fiend), I would take him (or her... shame for her) on a traveling Circus tour with myself. We would travel the world, exploring various countries (second-world and higher only, of course), and demonstrate our uncanny ability to look similar. People would be in such awe of our beauty and poise, that they would give us money and take pictures of us. Not with us, of course, because they would be shamed to be immortalized in a photo with something so much more attractive and powerful then they could ever be, but nonetheless, so many pictures would be taken.

These pictures would then, of course, find their way onto the internet, and then, of course, find their way into the hands of Ernest Hemingway, who at this point, would have risen from his earthly tomb as a result of the power of our purpose and perfection. Ernie (we would be on a first name-nick name basis, of course) would then write a story based on mine and my doppelganger's traveling Circus of Beauty and Sexiness and Power show, which would rival the Bible's popularity (of course). At this point in time, Gandhi and Cleopatra would also rise from the dead and have so much intercourse, resulting in a beautiful child, which would be a conjoined twin of Jesus and Buddha (of course), who would then spread the word of our existence to anyone who had a net income worthy of a second-world country.

AT WHICH POINT IN TIME all of the planets would align and the Universe would be actualized in terms of consistency with the Physics of Life, and we would understand the purpose of all that is good, holy, and fruitful...

AT WHICH POINT IN TIME...

I would be so famous.

Jealous?