Wizentor #2 : The New Chosen People

First off, sorry for my hiatus of MORE THAN A WEEK! Jealous that I was surrounded by friends and family for this period of time? You should be. Because I was. I did so many things with these people. Like Club. Club away. And SHOOT HEROIN!!! No that was a lie. What if though. I did travel past East Hastings though, so mostly that is like shooting heroin.

So... here is the new email that I shall Wizentify. It comes across an ocean from Frenchland from a bonnie ol' lass of grand nature with locks of red hair. Just right there, you know this dream is going to be CRAZY! I mean, how many redheads are there really in Frenchland? Probably not that many. So rare. Like a baby with wings. That rare.

Lily Allen's song "the fear" always makes me think of your blog
because of that line about taking her clothes off just to get famous.

Oh you know me too well. Lilly Allen is a crack whore. Just like me. She gets naked. Just like me. We are fame whores. Just like us (?).

haha anyways i had this dream that I was at the beach at a camp and a
helicopter crashed in the middle of the lake. I swam out to see if I
could help, but there was nobody there.

Whoopsies. Delusions of unmanned helicopters can only mean one thing. Magic. Basically you have magic coursing through your veins. This magic is forcing the need to fly, without boundaries, but you find this impossible, because it's impossible. Who can fly in the air other than Superman (he's not real, by the way). Only Jesus. Jesus had wings. So, basically, you think you are Jesus with wings. So basically you are the second coming. OoOooOoo! How exciting. I shouldn't swear in front of you. Wait, if you are the second coming, and you are in France, does that mean that the French people are God's chosen people? Damn. The Israelites had it wrong all this time.

I found a giant moss covered rock in the helicopter that I took back to shore and for some reason it could float so I sat on it and floated around.

Are you really surprised? You are Jesus anyway. Or maybe the rock is actually SO porous because little creatures have made caves within it. Maybe the Israelites made caves in the mossy rock. They were flying with Jesus, but now aren't, thusly in essence they fell into the water aka SIN!

I got really dirty

Uh oh this is getting dirty. Oh dearie, frenchieladieofambernature, you are sending us sexy dreams.

and green though because of all the moss so I put it in a washing machine that appeared on the beach.

Well this makes sense. If the mossy rock is the Israelites, you are washing away their sins. Because they are not French. And as we have discussed, the French people are the holy people, the chosen people. Because they make good wine. And Jesus turned water into wine. So this makes sense. Really, we should have picked up that the French people were the chosen ones when Jesus' drink of choice was their national pride.

When it was finished, I opened it up and turns out it wasn't a rock, it was just a girl who was really really dirty

SO SEXY!

and she thanked me for rescuing her. Perhaps you can offer your insight ;)

Well the Israeli woman found within the the mossy rock is clearly Madonna. She is thanking you for proving that it is the French people who are now chosen. I am shocked your dream ended before she tried to adopt you, or try to turn you into a model half her age with her Kaballah magic and marry you, or at least have gross displays of PDA with you. Or try to strangle you with her GROSSLY VEINY ARMS.

So, as we have learned, you are Jesus. You have come to spread the word of the New covenant that those living in Frenchland are the chosen people. And Madonna wants to have gross public displays of affection with you... on top of a mossy rock.

We are all so blasphemic.

Want your dreams to be understood by means of the Wizentor? Email me them!

thewizentor@gmail.com thewizentor@gmail.com thewizentor@gmail.com thewizentor@gmail.com thewizentor@gmail.com thewizentor@gmail.com